I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take words for granted

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that in taking words for granted I am accepting words as their definitions - therein allowing this world to be created by my participation in words as definition -  instead of  taking responsibility to purify words, and to live them as me - to no longer accept or allow words to direct me, but to direct words as me, by living them as me

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define people according to the words they write, therein separating them from me through defining them as their words, instead of unconditionally reading their words and stopping and applying self forgiveness if I react to or expect something within their words

I stand here as life as oneness and equality.  I do not accept or allow anything less than oneness and equality within me -  and if I am to stand one and equal with and as others in this world then I must not accept or allow myself to define others, to expect something of others according to a definition I have assigned them,  NO

till here no further

I do not accept or allow the definition of others within me -  this happens because I take what I have read and written, and then defined myself according to what I have read and written, created a personality for myself within my own words,   and then in seeing others' words, i define them according to their words, therein separating them from me -  and then reacting to words they speak or write according to what within their words challenges or goes against my own self definition.    

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define myself according to the words i write and read, instead of unconditionally reading and writing words as me -  and if a reaction or movement occurs -  STOP and apply self forgiveness -  look at the reaction - look at each point and stop it, for in continuing to allow reactions to come and go -  i am continuing to allow them within me, as me -  and i only continue to support separation and comparison and judgment in this world, through my own separation comparison and judgment within me,  of others words and actions

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge what someone has written before even reading all of it

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to speak and write from a starting point of wanting to defend information within me   

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to take information in and place it within me as definition, and then speak from the starting point of information within me

sleep

the tiredness which i experience is what i have accepted and allowed myself to experience through allowing myself to be controlled and directed by my mind. it is my mind that is tired and wants to sleep so that i can replenish and refresh itself -  and I am not the mind, so therefore I am not tiredness

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define me as tiredness

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe and expect to experience tiredness at the end of the day

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to accept tiredness instead of standing up within and as the experience of tiredness and realizing that it is not who i am, it is of the mind, and I am not the mind -  I am life, and life does not sleep,  I do no not sleep

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my body only requires just enough rest 0 and that the experience of tiredness is my mind wanting to sleep

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define tiredness as being too hard to stop and transcend 

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be apathetic about applying myself to tiredness, because me as the mind really wants to sleep - but I am not the mind. I am here as breath as life, standing within and as my body.  and I stand, I move and walk and direct me as life direct me as my body within and as this manifested world

I am here -  I am always here

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be enslaved by the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be controlled by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be directed by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be influenced by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to perceive and believe that it is difficult to stop my mind , to stand up within tiredness and say NO.  I AM NOT THIS PERCEPTION,  I DO NOT ALLOW IT TO CONTROL ME

I STOP all perception of tiredness-  tiredness and awakeness is a polarity manifestation of the mind,  of consciousness and I am not consciousness, I am life, living awareness of me as all as one as equal, and I STAND as I am HERE in every moment of breath in every moment of me here

I walk through all, as all

I walk through the mind I direct the mind as the mind, not of the mind

I am in this world, I am within and as my body, within and as my mind, but I am not of this mind

I am not of perception I am only here as all as one as equal as life as who I AM AND I STAND UP   I DIRECT ME AS ALL as one as equal here as breath in every moment

I do not accept or allow compromise

I do not accept or allow doubt

I do not accept or allow hesitation

I do not accept or allow procrastination

I do not accept or allow myself to slip into the mind when bored

I give myself permission to remain here in every moment,  as me as presence as breath as life as me here always here, in every way and in every moment

I am in all things, me as life -  and I stand within and as all things as life as who I am in every moment,    always new,  always moving and yet still,  silent  -  expressing me as all existence here,  directing me as me here in every way within and as this world, within and as my life perspective here in this body

Till here no further.

I do not accept or allow within me anything less than me as life as all as one as equal in every moment.   no  exception  no compromise

I do not accept or allow the mind  to control me

I do not accept or allow thoughts to control me

I do not accept or allow feelings to control me

I do not accept or allow memories to control me

I am not pictures

I am not memories

I am not definitions

I am not the past,  nor am i the future or the present,  I am simply here, and I stand here and direct me here in this moment

I am grateful for this body,  this vehicle of me here within this world.   I move within and as my body here in this world,  and I direct all in oneness and equality as life as who I am here.  I am here

I am life

I am direction

I am stability

I am creation

I am creator

I am mover

I am movement

I am cultivation

I am application

I am practicality

I am discipline

I am self control as me as self as life

I am living words

I am words

I  speak 

I write

I express

I write me - I speak me

I live me

I direct me,  for me,  as me as all as one as equal

I stand and I stop the mind

within standing,   I stop the mind   I stop thoughts I stop feelings and emotions

I stop memory  I stop pictures   I stop conception

I stop comparison

I stop judgment

I stop impatience,  for I am patience   I am here

self placement

as long as i can remember i have struggled to understand how and where i am able to place myself within this world.  back in the old days of school,  i felt alienated,  like this world was not built for me and that must have come from somewhere else.   when i experienced  a 'spiritual awakening' and began to focus on spirituality and new age things,  that made me feel like i had found something but still i was not able to see how and where to really place myself effeectively in this world in order to make something happen in my life- 

now, in self honesty as i go through my entire self, everything i have allowed me to be,  i am able to see with stillness what is here before me- opportunities, resources -   i see them , i see that they are here,  whereas before i created all kinds of intent and visualizations regarding these resources, to the point where i was always waiting for things to come together and THEN i would be in the situation i need to be in on order to effectively live in this world.

in being here as breath,  applying self forgiveness,   i see the things which exist around me, which are what i have to work with, and it is a much different experience of observing the resources and determining what is an effective way to use them,  because now it is about me moving and directing me as those resources,  no more waiting for things to come together for me, because that never happened!   

as i become more stable and more still i see more opportunities as they are presented and i am able to observe how i react to those opportunites,  and if i react, i am able to look at the reaction and apply self forgiveness,  and move within and as that opprtunity.   

the question is, how may i apply this tool of directing myself within and as oppurtunity,  how do i effectively place myself,  how do i direct me AS opportunity.   the answer i come to is simply self honesty in every moment-  i have had a habit of judging what appears to be a stillness in my life, and in the judging i compound it and create the experience of stagnation.

it is entirely up to me to direct my life, and to transcend what appear to be walls preventing me from certain opportunities.  the walls are of my own creation and allowance and i must not allow myself to be overwhelmed by the walls of this world.  i must take this world into my own hands,  and with my own two hands i must direct me in it, as it.

the tendency in me has been to take this realization, and look at it and say to myself,  well,  if you are not DOING something right now, then what's the point of writing it over and over again?

but now i see that it is to write me as my words,  my words are me, and so i write me into this world through my words, as my words.

the self direction and self movement starts with me STOPPING all doubt, no more lingering or fixating on my interpretation of my experience in the moment,  but simply expressing me as the moment,  regardless of what this moment appears to be.  so in writing i express what i truly know myself to be, and that is life, direction, movement, creation within and as this world. 

the habit of analyzing my writing a bit and then turning it into something based on my analysis, is what is limiting me and keeping me from self direction, keeping me from seeing all opportunities, because i waiting for a dramatic experience of action and movement to prove to myself that i am indeed moving.  in this waiting i am postponing my self movement, and prolonging the experience of waiting and.  i am only looking in the rear view mirror.

the habit of looking at the immense vastness of this world and becoming overwhelmed and discouraged is a problem.   this behavior only keeps me confined to a definition of myself as a small being wihtin this small body within this vast world,  instead of actualizing myself as this entire creation and world through constant application and dedication in the moment.  

if i am to edit the film of creation i must get to the cutting and pasting, get to work instead of watching the same raw footage over and over again, and not doing anything.  these raw clips are what i have here to work with with my own physical hands here in this moment and i must move my hands and direct the film.  in directing my own  film i direct the entire film creation, and hesitation only traps me in the perspective and perception that i am separate from the world around me.   

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to hesitate when presented with an opportunity, instead of moving wihtin that opportunity, realizing that it is me presenting me to me as opportunity

i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to trust myself to move within what is here in my life,  for what is here in my life is me, and to direct me as this creation i must direct me within and as what is here

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to experience being overwhelmed and discouraged by the size of this creation and amount of beings existing wihtin it,  instead of being here with what is in front of me and using it

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to wait for things to come together and shape themselves, instead of standing up and walking within what i have here before me, shaping through self movement and self applicaiton in every moment

i forgive myself that i have allowed msyelf to judge my inner self application as being small and ineffective in changing the larger foundation of this creation

till here no further

i do not accept or allow myself to excuse myself from self honest responsibility and application 

in every moment

i do not accept or allow definitions within me

i do not accept or allow belief in an ideal within me

self definition

i find that in setting out to 'write something' or 'make a video' recently that there exists the perception that i ' must'   write something or 'should' make a video for the perceived reason that i 'should ' share something in order to assist.   

my experience of assisting others has changed dramatically in recent moments because i realize that it is simply not about assisting others for the sake of  helping them understand something in order to feel good about myself or feel that i have been productive in my 'purpose'  of assisting others.  it is about living here as me in every moment, and applying myself first in every way,  and then without 'setting out' to assist someone, provide assistance and direction for others as an expression of me, like breathing or walking, as something that arises unconditionally in the moment and in oneness and equality with and as the being. without reaction. without the need or want to tell something to someone. no pity, no judgment or comparison, simply directing all as me when it arises. 

i find that when i am writing something in a forum, chat or something like that, i observe my reaction and inner sensation as i am writing and see if i am writing for a reason, and letting the reason move me, or if i am writing as expression of me without being stimulated to act by a perceived reason or purpose.

am i writing to get a reaction which i will enjoy?  am i writing to show that i apparently 'know' something that someone else doesn't?  

i have seen within me recently that i have feared to simply let go of all reasons to move in my life, feared to simply exist here in moment, stopping completely.

this is because the strong sense of purpose i have felt from an early age created within me the 'sense' of purpose, the idea that i am here to do something and that i must express that sense of purpose to others, somehow make it known to others that there is more to life, more the world because of this sense of purpose that i feel.   

what i see that i ended up doing was defining 'who i am' as that sense of purpose.  and in defining me as a 'sense of purpose'   i then feared to lose that sense of purpose which consisted of ideas and beliefs about what and why i was here.  the reality is, in letting go and being self honest about me defining who i am as a sense of purpose, an idea of me being here to experience 'something beyond',   i have seen that 

i am still here without the definition of me 'being here for a reason'.  i see that in having allowed myself to define me in any way whatsoever, i have limited me, confining who i am to an idea of me.  i see that in defining myself as 'being here for a reason' i have feared losing that definition, feared leaving my body in which i apparently have experienced that definition, feared letting go utterly because in order to experience that idea and definition of me 'being here for a reason', i must remain as is confined within the definition, and letting go of everything must include letting go of any sense or idea of me 'being here for a reason'.

it's really quite fascinating the way the mind fucks.  

reacting not living!!!!!!

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe i must share my perspective, instead of focusing on me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself speak from the starting point of reaction moving within me instead of STOPPING and applying self forgiveness

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge another's perspective

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe i must prove me to another

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define me as knowledge and information

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear invalidation of me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to compare me to others

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe i must convince another of me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be self dishonest in my speaking

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to want to prove another wrong

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define who I am as information

I do not accept or allow comparison within me

i do not accept or allow judgment within me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to suppress anger within me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge my anger as being inferior, thereby separating me from my anger

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to want validation of me

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to want to be acknowledged

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to desire to be right

i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that if i am speaking from reaction or any movement within me at all, i am in the mind and am not living that which i believe i must tell someone

stuff

stuff,possessions, and the idea that we have to escape them to feel free is what i am dealing with in the moment. i do not accept the belief that if i go away from my stuff i will somehow solve this feeling. this is separation and me avoiding myself in this moment.

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to separate stuff from me thereby allowing it to overwhelm me
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that things will change by waiting
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that i am unable to walk through this feeling and stand up
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that i am unable to organize
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that i am unable to be my own solution
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that i am unable to apply myself
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to feel helpless
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to rely on apparent outside forces to guide me through my life
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that there is any other solution than me here in the moment

suppressed anger

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to suppress my anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear my own anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to blame julia for my anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge my anger
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason i have been smoking is to inflict my own anger upon myself which i have suppressed within me through judging it
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that i have judged my own anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to suppress my frustration
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to suppress my self judgment
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge julia as being an oppressor of me within our relationship
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason i felt oppressed in the relationship was because i was not being self honest and so felt anger and so suppressed my anger within me and placed the blame on julia
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear releasing my anger
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the feeling of satisfaction i et when smoking is me relying on an external source of comfort and peace instead of confronting my suppressed anger and frustration and being self honest about it
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe that i do not have anger
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that the reason i am annoyed by people is not because of them but because of my own suppressed anger manifesting as annoyance within me
i forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that it is totally my responsibility to be honest about my anger and confront it in every moment
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to fear hurting others through my anger, thereby judging my anger and suppressing it
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to close myself off from my suppressed emotions instead of confronting them and being self honest about what i have allowed
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to resent myself because of my anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to resent my anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to resent others and blame them for my anger instead of taking responsibility for myself
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to want the attention and recognition and admiration of others to distract myself from my own suppressed anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to resent and blame life as the source of my anger
i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to resent my own anger