observations on impatience, anticipation

So today, sitting at work, I start to really notice how much subtle anticipation and impatience I am feeling, thinking about when I will get off work. It's a clothing store, and there was no one there at the moment, so I started breaking down the feeling out loud. It seems that most of the time when I'm in a situation where I'm obligated to do something in some way, I immediately start subtly picturing myself at the end of that situation, when the obligation has been met and I can go back to using my attention as I please. But, if I am HERE, as the moment, as the breath, as all of existence as life as one, then obviously the feeling of anticipation of a 'future' moment is a function of the mind, and I am not the mind. Really amazing the kinds of subtle mind mischief we allow ourselves to participate in. So, more self forgiveness!

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to picture a 'future' moment in which I feel 'more free'. These 'future' moments do not exist, as I AM the moment, HERE as breath as life as one as who I am. This picture fantasy of a future moment is simply me allowing myself to be manipulated by the mind and I am not the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that impatience does not exist

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that anticipation does not exist

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to identify my life as a series of moments which I have allowed myself to project my attention into

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that abiding within and as the moment as breath is difficult in various situations and circumstances

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that life consists of pictures

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to my experience of myself in the moment, and to compare my experience to memories of other moments within my mind. I am not the mind, I am not memories, I am not duality. These things are of the mind, and I am not the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am able to identify who I am as the mind