fantasy

Only now, through becoming aware of the mind and personality as a system, have I been able to realize why I always felt that my images of the future were somewhat unattainable, like somehow they were too good to be true or something. I realize that all my fantasies and 'visualizations' were constructs of the mind which I was creating with thoughts, by allowing myself to identify myself as this character, if you will, operating in the world. No wonder I kept experiencing what I termed and what has been described as 'backsliding' in the process of 'ascension'. Only now do I recognize a small, icky feeling that was always kind of there in the background as I was experiencing the advancement through 'levels' of 'consciousness'. It seems now that my intuition and inner knowing is coming into its own, and being allowed to be expressed more fully by me as who I am, not simply as a 'part' of me which felt like it was coming through from a higher source, from a higher part of myself 'somewhere'. How totally amusing that that 'somewhere' was indeed HERE, right now in this moment as ME! I AM intuition, I am that essence of myself that felt as if it was guiding me before.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am being 'guided' by some force or influence other than myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to slip into the mind and react to my experience of myself in this moment

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to participate in the mind by classifying and quantifying my experience of myself as who I am in this moment. Those are reactions and thoughts that I have allowed myself to participate in, and I am not thoughts I am not the mind

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have allowed myself to keep upgrading and tweaking my personality within the mind by participating in thoughts, pictures and reactions to what I am doing. I am not my personality, I am not the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define things with and according to pictures in my mind

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that pictures are of the mind and I am not the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react emotionally to my experience of myself in the moment. I am not reactions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that 'difficulty' exists

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that a 'future moment' exists

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel impatient. Impatience is me allowing myself to participate in thinking in pictures about a future moment which does not exist. I am not the mind, therefore I am not impatience, nor does impatience exist

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think I am more aware than others. I cannot be more aware because I am awareness within and as oneness I am one and equal, therefore I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to identify who I am as my personality, therefore allowing myself to participate in thoughts and reactions and emotions of polarity and separation

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to express total self honesty as who I am in every moment

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide from myself and from my responsibilities by thinking

whew.