I noticed today that when I am speaking honestly and directly to people as who I am, there are points where I begin to react to their reactions to what I am saying. so, let's break it down. the feeling of adrenaline, or hot feeling in my solar plexus is obviously emotion and reaction taking place, which means I am not speaking from a starting point of stillness and silence as the breath, which is why I am reacting to others' reactions to what I am saying.
a list of my personality attributes:
-I enjoy the acknowledgment from others of me
-I feel need to teach people
-I do not accept consensus reality
-I become impatient with people who insist on a limited reality
-I find ways of defining myself as 'more aware' than others
-I fear what others will think if I express myself in total honesty to them
-I often define who I am as my actions and things that I have said
-I cannot abide oppression and suppression of life
-I become annoyed and irritated with petty things people do very easily
-I often hide behind the identity of knowledge and my actions
-I am quick to belief
-I am not always self honest with myself when I am feeding my ego
-I am concerned about my presentation
-I worry about getting 'worked up and fiery' when speaking honestly
hmm, I'll start with that

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to expect and allow myself to react to my own experience of honest expression.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to need the acknowledgment of others
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become annoyed with others, participating in comparing myself to others and forming judgments about them
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to participate in raising myself above others
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in raising myself above others I am participating in and allowing myself to define myself as my ego
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become impatient with others
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that impatience does not exist
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define and judge people as their reactions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to create hypothetical non existent picture moments within my mind and to limit myself based on fear of what I have created in my mind which is not who I am
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear losing my emotions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define expression as being of emotions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define who I am as emotions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be directed and controlled by emotions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be directed by my thoughts
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I am not aware of my breath then I am in the mind and I am allowing the mind to direct me, instead of me directing me self honestly in every moment
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to make excuses for not doing self forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear doing self forgiveness because I fear losing my mind which is what I have defined me as
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear losing what I have defined to be the 'proper way to behave in public'
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to by controlled and directed by fear
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to form beliefs by participating in thoughts
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel doubt, instead of realizing that doubt is my mind fearing to lose itself, fearing to lose what I have defined me to be

I am not the mind
I am not thoughts
I am not pictures
I am stillness
I am silence
I am breath
I am here
I am life