what is it to actualize and live what I realize?    if i realize that all are within me as me,  the entire creation, existence -  then what exactly is keeping me from walking within this world moment to moment and unconditionally expressing me in every moment in self honesty?  

fear -   fear to let go of conditioned and habitual modes of communication and interaction with the people around me-    in being born into a family of beings and having spent my entire life with them,   I have formed relationships  with them,   specific patterns and habits of communications and interaction which have become modes which i go into when interacting with a specific being in my family.  this applies to friends, coworkers  as well.   I have learned to say things and do things around people according to the specific relationship i have with that person,   in other words, my actions and speech is governed and directed by the mode that i have created for myself in which to interact with a specific person. 

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to communicate and interact with people according to the relationship definition I have created for myself to exist in with a specific person

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define speaking as that which I do within these specific communication modes which I utilize when interacting with specific people

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define who I am as these modes and habits of communication and interaction

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in creating these modes and habits of interaction and communication according to the relationship I have with a person, I am separating that person from me, and allowing habitual modes of interaction based in the past to control and direct me in my interactions with people

If I am to actualize the realization that I am one and equal with and AS all beings, then I must not allow myself to continue to go into these limited modes of interaction -  which I have established according to the specific personality of a person in relationship to my specific personality.     I have found what 'works' best with specific people, in terms of communication using certain words and behaviors which create a seamless and conflict free interaction.

this is robotic, and ridiculous.   

to live my words, to create myself anew in this world, as this world,  to direct myself effectively within this world and amongst all beings in this world,   I must be able to stand alone and speak from my own starting point,  the starting point of me as all as one as equal.  without going into the specific modes of interaction , the programs of communication which I have established between me and other beings with whom I have relationships with -  for in doing this I am accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by programs,  controlled and directed by habitual modes of interaction -   stale behavior based in the past, instead of me expressing me as words unconditionally in every moment of communication with a being-   NO compromise,  NO exceptions.