Matti Behind The Scenes at DesteniProductions

writing

writing

right thing?

right(rite) in g?

wright ing

writ thing

I'm cleaning up my living space, getting rid of crap, paring down and  eliminating useless garbage. 

me

clothing

computer.     

ahhh, nearly there.

self forgiveness to clean up who I am within -  moving myself to act and direct me to clean up who I am without.  because what is the use of self forgiveness if I do not apply myself in my outer world? 

I change

I expand

I direct

I act

I clean shit up

lol

caring and love vs. realization and practical common sense

caring is an action we participate in because it's what we're told is 'good'
and 'right' and 'ethical' - we do it because we feel bad for someone 'other' than ourself

this is different from seeing that what exists on the earth is what we have created, and that it is actually ourselves that are experiencing the suffering -
so naturally you see that it must stop - so you go about doing what is practical to stop it

imagine you were blind and had always felt pain in your life but were not able to understand where the pain was coming from - you would then focus on the feelings which made you feel 'good' in order to dull the pain or try and forget about it.

then imagine that suddenly you could see! and you looked down and saw that you were standing on a field of sharp nails - ah ha! you would now see exactly and specifically where the pain was coming from - and it would be common sense to begin walking off of that field of sharp nails. and you would do everything in your power to walk away from that field of nails.

- what would not be common sense, would be to continue focusing on good feelings in the hope that the pain would go away.

so, as I see it, 'caring' takes place in the blindness of the mind.

practical correction of what we have allowed is possible when the 'I' is opened, when we realize for ourselves exactly what we have allowed and created in this world, and then we do what is practical to STOP it

what is it to actualize and live what I realize?    if i realize that all are within me as me,  the entire creation, existence -  then what exactly is keeping me from walking within this world moment to moment and unconditionally expressing me in every moment in self honesty?  

fear -   fear to let go of conditioned and habitual modes of communication and interaction with the people around me-    in being born into a family of beings and having spent my entire life with them,   I have formed relationships  with them,   specific patterns and habits of communications and interaction which have become modes which i go into when interacting with a specific being in my family.  this applies to friends, coworkers  as well.   I have learned to say things and do things around people according to the specific relationship i have with that person,   in other words, my actions and speech is governed and directed by the mode that i have created for myself in which to interact with a specific person. 

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to communicate and interact with people according to the relationship definition I have created for myself to exist in with a specific person

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define speaking as that which I do within these specific communication modes which I utilize when interacting with specific people

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define who I am as these modes and habits of communication and interaction

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in creating these modes and habits of interaction and communication according to the relationship I have with a person, I am separating that person from me, and allowing habitual modes of interaction based in the past to control and direct me in my interactions with people

If I am to actualize the realization that I am one and equal with and AS all beings, then I must not allow myself to continue to go into these limited modes of interaction -  which I have established according to the specific personality of a person in relationship to my specific personality.     I have found what 'works' best with specific people, in terms of communication using certain words and behaviors which create a seamless and conflict free interaction.

this is robotic, and ridiculous.   

to live my words, to create myself anew in this world, as this world,  to direct myself effectively within this world and amongst all beings in this world,   I must be able to stand alone and speak from my own starting point,  the starting point of me as all as one as equal.  without going into the specific modes of interaction , the programs of communication which I have established between me and other beings with whom I have relationships with -  for in doing this I am accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by programs,  controlled and directed by habitual modes of interaction -   stale behavior based in the past, instead of me expressing me as words unconditionally in every moment of communication with a being-   NO compromise,  NO exceptions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take words for granted

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that in taking words for granted I am accepting words as their definitions - therein allowing this world to be created by my participation in words as definition -  instead of  taking responsibility to purify words, and to live them as me - to no longer accept or allow words to direct me, but to direct words as me, by living them as me

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define people according to the words they write, therein separating them from me through defining them as their words, instead of unconditionally reading their words and stopping and applying self forgiveness if I react to or expect something within their words

I stand here as life as oneness and equality.  I do not accept or allow anything less than oneness and equality within me -  and if I am to stand one and equal with and as others in this world then I must not accept or allow myself to define others, to expect something of others according to a definition I have assigned them,  NO

till here no further

I do not accept or allow the definition of others within me -  this happens because I take what I have read and written, and then defined myself according to what I have read and written, created a personality for myself within my own words,   and then in seeing others' words, i define them according to their words, therein separating them from me -  and then reacting to words they speak or write according to what within their words challenges or goes against my own self definition.    

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define myself according to the words i write and read, instead of unconditionally reading and writing words as me -  and if a reaction or movement occurs -  STOP and apply self forgiveness -  look at the reaction - look at each point and stop it, for in continuing to allow reactions to come and go -  i am continuing to allow them within me, as me -  and i only continue to support separation and comparison and judgment in this world, through my own separation comparison and judgment within me,  of others words and actions

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to judge what someone has written before even reading all of it

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to speak and write from a starting point of wanting to defend information within me   

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to take information in and place it within me as definition, and then speak from the starting point of information within me

sleep

the tiredness which i experience is what i have accepted and allowed myself to experience through allowing myself to be controlled and directed by my mind. it is my mind that is tired and wants to sleep so that i can replenish and refresh itself -  and I am not the mind, so therefore I am not tiredness

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define me as tiredness

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to believe and expect to experience tiredness at the end of the day

i forgive myself that i have allowed myself to accept tiredness instead of standing up within and as the experience of tiredness and realizing that it is not who i am, it is of the mind, and I am not the mind -  I am life, and life does not sleep,  I do no not sleep

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my body only requires just enough rest 0 and that the experience of tiredness is my mind wanting to sleep

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to define tiredness as being too hard to stop and transcend 

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be apathetic about applying myself to tiredness, because me as the mind really wants to sleep - but I am not the mind. I am here as breath as life, standing within and as my body.  and I stand, I move and walk and direct me as life direct me as my body within and as this manifested world

I am here -  I am always here

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be enslaved by the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be controlled by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be directed by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to be influenced by my mind

I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to perceive and believe that it is difficult to stop my mind , to stand up within tiredness and say NO.  I AM NOT THIS PERCEPTION,  I DO NOT ALLOW IT TO CONTROL ME

I STOP all perception of tiredness-  tiredness and awakeness is a polarity manifestation of the mind,  of consciousness and I am not consciousness, I am life, living awareness of me as all as one as equal, and I STAND as I am HERE in every moment of breath in every moment of me here

I walk through all, as all

I walk through the mind I direct the mind as the mind, not of the mind

I am in this world, I am within and as my body, within and as my mind, but I am not of this mind

I am not of perception I am only here as all as one as equal as life as who I AM AND I STAND UP   I DIRECT ME AS ALL as one as equal here as breath in every moment

I do not accept or allow compromise

I do not accept or allow doubt

I do not accept or allow hesitation

I do not accept or allow procrastination

I do not accept or allow myself to slip into the mind when bored

I give myself permission to remain here in every moment,  as me as presence as breath as life as me here always here, in every way and in every moment

I am in all things, me as life -  and I stand within and as all things as life as who I am in every moment,    always new,  always moving and yet still,  silent  -  expressing me as all existence here,  directing me as me here in every way within and as this world, within and as my life perspective here in this body

Till here no further.

I do not accept or allow within me anything less than me as life as all as one as equal in every moment.   no  exception  no compromise

I do not accept or allow the mind  to control me

I do not accept or allow thoughts to control me

I do not accept or allow feelings to control me

I do not accept or allow memories to control me

I am not pictures

I am not memories

I am not definitions

I am not the past,  nor am i the future or the present,  I am simply here, and I stand here and direct me here in this moment

I am grateful for this body,  this vehicle of me here within this world.   I move within and as my body here in this world,  and I direct all in oneness and equality as life as who I am here.  I am here

I am life

I am direction

I am stability

I am creation

I am creator

I am mover

I am movement

I am cultivation

I am application

I am practicality

I am discipline

I am self control as me as self as life

I am living words

I am words

I  speak 

I write

I express

I write me - I speak me

I live me

I direct me,  for me,  as me as all as one as equal

I stand and I stop the mind

within standing,   I stop the mind   I stop thoughts I stop feelings and emotions

I stop memory  I stop pictures   I stop conception

I stop comparison

I stop judgment

I stop impatience,  for I am patience   I am here